40 Days: Week 4

This weeks theme centered around restoration. Our meditation increased to 20 minutes in the evening and morning, and it also included a 3 day fruit cleanse.  

Our laws were:
Law 7: Relax with what is

Law 8: Remove the rocks

My rock was people pleasing. For me, I wanted to see what possibilities were available when I dropped my need for people pleasing, for acceptance, for my need to be included and liked by all. And what I found was that when I let go of the need to people please and to have everyone like me and to be agreeable I opened the possibility for a life of authenticity. The real, true me. The happy, the light, the joyful me. The unedited me. I experienced genuine carefree happiness and laughter this week. 

The 3 day juice cleanse was interesting. Truthfully I did not enjoy it whatsoever while I was going through it, however I did take a lot from it. For me by the second day my stomach was so sour from all the sweet fruit I wanted to stop- I did have some regular dinner that night- but made sure to hop right back on the wagon the next morning. And completely unexpectedly by the end of the third and final day I felt a huge shift. The fruit cleanse didn’t just make me want to get rid of the toxins inside of my body but it propelled me to take a larger look at my life to see what other toxins I could cleanse from my life. It came to me clear as day. Combining my need to cleanse as much toxicity from my life as possible, along with removing the rock of people pleasing I decided to make the bold move to delete the Facebook app from my phone. Deleting this app not only removed all of the stress and bad feelings I experienced from reading other people’s status’s and getting distracted by their drama, but even more than that it removed my rock of people pleasing. In the couple of days that have passed since I got rid of the app I realized that I was also using FB to engage in people pleasing without even realizing it! I was looking for praise, I was looking for approval, sometimes I was posting something just to post something- just to fill in the gaps. I was measuring my worth by the number of likes, or comments I received. So I deleted it and will only be accessing it from my computer. It may last a week, it may last a month, or it may last a year- who knows. This has also freed me up immensely. The first thing I used to do when I woke up was check FB. On the weekends I would waste 30 minutes, easily, scrolling through my newsfeed, for what? A picture perfect look into someone else’s life? Comparison? Emptiness? Likes? Since deleting the app I have already felt like a weight has been lifted. Rather than constantly being attached to my phone, and carefully monitor and count my notifications I could care less. And that has allowed me to be authentically present in my life. That has allowed me to create space in my life. That has allowed me to welcome the presence of possibility and for me in this season that is what this life is all about! 

   
   

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40 Days Week 3: Equanimity

I was expecting a huge shift this week. Last time I went through the 40 days program I remember experiencing a HUGE shift this particular week where I felt like everything really came together. As you can probably tell-the shift didn’t happen. Or atleast it wasn’t as monumental as I had anticipated it being. This time it felt more like an overall shift.  I felt like I entered this week with more patience, and an increased feeling of peace which was very, very helpful in having an equinimious week.

Here are my questions:

1. How much do I believe the winds of grace support me?  As much of a believer as I am, and I am a BIG one, I sometimes-okay most of the time-have a hard time believing that I am worthy of His grace. I know it exists, and I know that he freely gives it, but I still have a hard time accepting the fact that I am worthy of His grace in His eyes.

 

2.Where can I use less reaction and more divine interpretation?  I can use less reaction when it comes to my kids. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed very easily, and to let little things bother me.  I’ve realized, through equanimity, that when I take the time to breathe and remove myself from a situation I am allowing myself time to think through what kind of an impact the decision will yield? Will this make a difference in a month’s time? How about a year? A week? If the answer is no then I can generally loosen the reigns, and know that this one very small piece of time will not have a huge lasting impact.

 

3.  How can a shift in vision enhance the quality of my life?  A shift in vision was huge in enhancing the quality of my life this week.  I realized that by removing the negative and shameful words from my vocabulary I was able to let joy, and happiness pour into my life.  For example, I am by nature a very anxious person.  This week when I was anticipating certain situations that I knew I would find myself in rather than labeling my emotions as “anxious” I labeled them as “exciting, eager, and intrigued.”  This not only helped me make my way through some challenging moments this week, but it was a very helpful tool in helping me shift my vision.

 

4.  What things are likely to trigger reactivity in me?  Hunger, exhaustion, topics I feel passionately about, situations that I believe I should be able to control (ie traffic, my children’s behavior), and situations that I think I could have made a better decision in.

 

5. How can I respond better to moments of reactivity?  I have found that my AM and PM meditations have really grounded me.  They have helped me remember to come back to my breathe, and I have found that by taking 5 or 6 deep breaths I am able to better assess and work/think through a situation.

Next week we are onto Restoration and our 3 day fruit cleanse, check back to see how my week went!!

  

 

40 Days: Week 2 Vitality

So as life would have it I am behind on my promised posts!  As I sit here and type this I’ve just finished feeding my troops dinner, I’ve got two kids working on homework (fractions, and counting money-ayyyyy!), one kids sick on the couch, and in a few minutes I will tackle Valentines Day Cards for close to 70 kids :/ And this is an “uneventful” night in our house!!

Here’s a recap on my Vitality week.  For me, vitality means editing out all of the busy.  Removing all of the non essential, in order to make room for the essential.  For what my body and mind and spirit are craving.  Some days that is rest. Some days that is curling up with a good book and a cup of tea in bed. Some days that looks like treating myself to a juice from my favorite juice bar.

Here are my vitality week questions:

  1. What is your most meaningful creation? My most meaningful creation in this life is my family and the stability, love, and support that I am able to give my children.

2.What is your most courageous act?  My most courage act, in this season of life, is making my health my number one priority.  Because this is something that I have neglected for as long as I can remember it feels strange to make something about me and for me my number one priority. It is uncomfortable, but necessary.  I am willing to do whatever, try whatever, and eat whatever I need to to in order to restore a level of homeostasis in my body.

 

3.  When do I feel the most energized?  I feel the most energized when I get a good night’s sleep.  A restful, complete nights sleep. I feel energized when I allow my body to rest, reset, and recharge without judging myself.

 

4.  Forces in my life that drain my energy:

-Too much time on Facebook/IG

-Not taking a break

-People pleasing

-Valuing others opinions over mine

-Taking things too personally

-Getting inside my own head

-Not asking for help

-Saying yes to too many things

-Over scheduling myself and my kids

 

Our Laws this week were:

Law 3: Step our of your Comfort Zone

Law 4: Commit to Growth

We were asked to write down 1 goal (attainable in 7 days) that we wanted to accomplish. For me, my goal was to take an advanced class at our studio called Deepen Your Roots.  This class was no joke! It was the real thing!  For starters instead of there being a FULL class of 40+ people there were maybe 10 people in the entire class.  Goodbye “blending in!” It was also taught by the owner of our studio who has an amazing ability to craft an incredible class. Was it hard? VERY! Did I feel awkward? YUP! and it wasn’t pretty…I fell over, I fell down, and I fell into just about every pose-BUT I got back up. I laughed it off, and there were others in the room, including the instructor, who were supporting me. Who were rooting for me. Who were sending me good vibes in my moments of struggle and it was SO WORTH IT!! If I hadn’t been challenged I may never have even tried to take that class!  What a week!

  

40 Days to a Personal Revolution 

Last night my yoga studio started our 40 Days to a Personal Revolution program. This is my second time participating in the program and I am so darn excited! No only do we have an amazingly talented leader, but I am so ready to dive in, dig deep, and see all the changes I make in my life for the better. The first time I worked through the program, for me, there was a lot of fear, apprehension, anxiety, and holding back. This time the vibe already feels completely different. There’s a calm, almost a stillness I felt in last nights meeting. I feel like I am entering this program from a place of being grounded. 

During our last program in the fall of 2015 I uncovered so many truths within myself. I was able, for the first time ever, to articulate and verbalize thoughts I hadn’t been able to for years. It felt like all of those webs that were tangled in my brain became untangled. I had some pretty huge shifts during the last program and so I thought it would be neat to document and blog my way through the program this time.

 
Last night, as a group, we set ground promises- not rules. Why? Because rules are made to be broken, promises are forever. And for me, this program is forever. This program will forever change me. When I am finished with this program at the end of February I won’t be the same person I was when I started. 

During the program we make a commitment to practice 6 days a week, be mindful of our eating habits, AM & PM daily meditations, and attend weekly meetings.

  
We were also asked last night to set some personal promises for ourselves. Attainable goals that would set us up for success. For me that looks like:  

– Being authentic and true to myself as well as those around me

– Getting uncomfortable 

– Sharing without fear

-Trusting the process-wholeheartedly

– Digging deep

– Building community 

– Less shame

– No internet/social media after 9pm

Each week we will work through 2 of Baron Baptiste’s Laws and 1 chapter of his book. This week our laws are:

1. Seek the Truth

2. Be Willing to Come Apart

And our chapter is: Presence

I cannot wait to start this journey, and see what lies on the other side of it! 

  

   

On Being Present

For far too long I have been living life on auto pilot. I haven’t been feeling, experiencing, seeing, or being with what’s around me. I haven’t been present in my life. And worst of all I haven’t been growing. I’ve become stagnant. Stuck. Nowhere to go and no path in sight. I’ve been chained to this life and all that surrounds it. I’ve been on the bitterness express and I’ve been the conductor. No more. No more excuses. No more unhappy. No more next time. The time is now. The moment is now. If I want to laugh I’m going to laugh. If I want to give someone a hug, I’m going to give that hug. I want to become a person who actually enjoys living the life I lead. I have been given so many things I wished for since I was a little girl, and I want to make the most of this journey I have been blessed with. I want to have a smile on my face, and I want to share that smile with other and maybe make them smile too. I want to impact others. I want to uplift. I want to go with the flow, and let go of the overthinking. I want to experience. I don’t want to be afraid. I want to get messy. I want to be present. But most of all I want to feel. I want to be present. All the time. Always. I want to feel this life I have been given. The good, the happy, and everything in between. I want to feel my heart beating every single day and I want to be overflowing with thankfulness that it is. I want to feel grace, as well as give it. I want to feel worthy, and let someone else know how worthy they are. I want to feel loved and appreciated and let others know how much I love and appreciate them. I want to be me. I want to be the exact person I was meant to be and I don’t wanna be ashamed for it. I want to be present and feel this life. Every single damn day!  ‚Äč

  

My Current Season of Life

I am in a season of needing to take care of myself. And that is okay. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It doesn’t mean I’m useless. It doesn’t mean I get an “F” in motherhood. It does mean that I am exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. I need to reset. To recharge. To rest. I need to restore my body and make it whole. And when I do I will be able to come back stronger than before.

I’ve made a new goal for myself. Do one thing for myself each day. It can be something as small as treating myself to an iced coffee, or as big as making a life change and sticking to it. 

If you follow me on Facebook Mom in the Middle or on Instagram Mom_inthemiddle then you know I have recently taken up Yoga! This was a big step for me… In fact it was Huge! You can read about my first experience ever with Yoga here. To say it has been amazing would be an understatement.

 I realize that in these moments I take for me I need to be intentional. With Yoga I try to sign up ( in advance) for atleast 2, sometimes 3, classes per week. I need to be intentional about carving out and setting aside time for me. And I can’t feel guilty about it. If I don’t take care of me then I can take care of the rest of my people. I love my people and they deserve the best of me, not a tired, worn out, over worked grumpy version of me!  

Today, as a blogger, I had the opportunity to go get a massage- what a treat! That was intentional time that I took for me today and it was glorious! I picked up the phone, I cleared my schedule, arranged childcare, booked the appointment, and I showed up. All intentional. 

The other thing I’ve realized is the more often I take time for me the more I am okay with it. The more often I work on me the more comfortable I become with it. I’m not gonna lie…at first it’s weird and awkward and no matter how hard I tried I felt out of place. It wasn’t easy. I felt out of place without a child clinging to me, it felt unnatural without constantly having to do something for someone else-it felt wrong to put myself first so much so that  experiencing peace and calm felt unnatural. 

The past two weeks have been eye opening. I had allowed myself to get to such a dark place of self neglect that I literally had to claw and fight my way out. 

My journey isn’t over. I’m not sure it ever will be and I’m okay with that. For now I am taking time to work on me.