40 Days: Week 2 Vitality

So as life would have it I am behind on my promised posts!  As I sit here and type this I’ve just finished feeding my troops dinner, I’ve got two kids working on homework (fractions, and counting money-ayyyyy!), one kids sick on the couch, and in a few minutes I will tackle Valentines Day Cards for close to 70 kids :/ And this is an “uneventful” night in our house!!

Here’s a recap on my Vitality week.  For me, vitality means editing out all of the busy.  Removing all of the non essential, in order to make room for the essential.  For what my body and mind and spirit are craving.  Some days that is rest. Some days that is curling up with a good book and a cup of tea in bed. Some days that looks like treating myself to a juice from my favorite juice bar.

Here are my vitality week questions:

  1. What is your most meaningful creation? My most meaningful creation in this life is my family and the stability, love, and support that I am able to give my children.

2.What is your most courageous act?  My most courage act, in this season of life, is making my health my number one priority.  Because this is something that I have neglected for as long as I can remember it feels strange to make something about me and for me my number one priority. It is uncomfortable, but necessary.  I am willing to do whatever, try whatever, and eat whatever I need to to in order to restore a level of homeostasis in my body.

 

3.  When do I feel the most energized?  I feel the most energized when I get a good night’s sleep.  A restful, complete nights sleep. I feel energized when I allow my body to rest, reset, and recharge without judging myself.

 

4.  Forces in my life that drain my energy:

-Too much time on Facebook/IG

-Not taking a break

-People pleasing

-Valuing others opinions over mine

-Taking things too personally

-Getting inside my own head

-Not asking for help

-Saying yes to too many things

-Over scheduling myself and my kids

 

Our Laws this week were:

Law 3: Step our of your Comfort Zone

Law 4: Commit to Growth

We were asked to write down 1 goal (attainable in 7 days) that we wanted to accomplish. For me, my goal was to take an advanced class at our studio called Deepen Your Roots.  This class was no joke! It was the real thing!  For starters instead of there being a FULL class of 40+ people there were maybe 10 people in the entire class.  Goodbye “blending in!” It was also taught by the owner of our studio who has an amazing ability to craft an incredible class. Was it hard? VERY! Did I feel awkward? YUP! and it wasn’t pretty…I fell over, I fell down, and I fell into just about every pose-BUT I got back up. I laughed it off, and there were others in the room, including the instructor, who were supporting me. Who were rooting for me. Who were sending me good vibes in my moments of struggle and it was SO WORTH IT!! If I hadn’t been challenged I may never have even tried to take that class!  What a week!

  

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40 Days: Week 1

40 days week 1
We just finished week 1 of 40 Days to a Personal Revolution and keeping with my promise of sharing this experience with you here are my thoughts from this past week..

Law 2 says: Be willing to come apart- the big part of this law for me is letting go. Letting go of the control. Letting go of constantly being on point. Letting go of having it all together. Letting go of constantly filling up others wells while mine runs completely dry. This week we were traveling as a family, and I experienced this in its fullness. I laid down in bed, around 12:30 pm, and I took a nap! Usually when I attempt to do something like this thoughts of everything else flood my mind. Ways I could be spending my time being more productive usually involving laundry, cleaning, or attending to my kids. But that day this law and a gentle reminder popped in my head telling me to give up control, and to give into what my body needed and I napped for 1 whole hour! Hallelujah!

We also have excavation questions to answer each week. Here are my questions and answers from week 1…

1. How much am I taking responsibility to learn and grow from the experiences, both easy and difficult, that I have in my life? I am taking more responsibility than ever before to learn from experiences. Now rather than looking at an experience and saying “why me?” I am looking at it and saying “what is this experience teaching me? What have I learned from going through this?” I am realizing this is my life and time spent asking “why me”, time spent people pleasing, and validating others opinions of me is exhausted and time wasted. When I do those thing I’m not being responsible of my time or my views. 

2. What are my beliefs about:

My body– while I believe my body is strong and sturdy I am also very frustrated with my body for not allowing me to always do what I want to do. My body gives me a lot of limitations. Limitations that cannot be helped, avoided, or cured. 

My relationships– I am realizing the relationships I have need to have purpose. They need to serve me and they need to serve others. And I would love it if they served us both really, really well. I’m also realizing that it is okay to have surface relationships, because not every relationship is meant to go below the surface. This just makes my solid, below the surface relationships mean that much more to me.

My work– I am starting to develop and maintain more self-worth which is turning into more worth for my profession and my position in that profession. I’m realizing that while everyone may no agree with my opinion, I am allowed to have an opinion and I am becoming more comfortable with sharing those opinions with others.  

My spirituality– I believe we serve an almighty God. One who is forgiving, gracious, patient, and who knows our every desire. I know who I serve and what I stand for. 

Money– I believe that, for me, money is extremely stressful. It can turn my mood upside in a second. I find the more I “crunch the numbers” and the more I focus my attention and energy on money the more I stress. It’s no secret that money makes the world go round. We literally need it for survival. Food, clothing, and shelter wouldn’t be possible without money. This is a constant battle I have, internally with myself. Sometimes it is a daily internal struggle that I am trying to look at from a different angle.

3. When do I feel most present? I feel most present on my yoga mat. When I come into my yoga studio, lay down my yoga mat, and set an intention for my practice. 

4. Where in my life am I hiding? I feel like I am hiding in my relationship with my husband. I don’t always maintain open communication, but rather I maintain the expectation that he knows what I am feeling, thinking, or wanting. This is not the case. He isn’t able to read minds. I am working on being more mindful of this.

5. Where in my life am I flirting with disaster? I am flirting with disaster when I:
-over schedule myself and my family ( currently reading a book about being less busy!)
-having the mindset of having to do it all, by myself.
-thinking that I can push my body to extremes, rather than finding middle ground.
-when I don’t fill up my well in order to fill up others wells.
-when I don’t eat healthy, light, nourishing foods and my body becomes heavy, sluggish and foggy. 
 
Now we are onto week 2: Vitality

Law 3: Step out of your comfort zone

Law 4: Commit to growth



Stay tuned for this weeks experiences, and questions!

  

40 Days to a Personal Revolution 

Last night my yoga studio started our 40 Days to a Personal Revolution program. This is my second time participating in the program and I am so darn excited! No only do we have an amazingly talented leader, but I am so ready to dive in, dig deep, and see all the changes I make in my life for the better. The first time I worked through the program, for me, there was a lot of fear, apprehension, anxiety, and holding back. This time the vibe already feels completely different. There’s a calm, almost a stillness I felt in last nights meeting. I feel like I am entering this program from a place of being grounded. 

During our last program in the fall of 2015 I uncovered so many truths within myself. I was able, for the first time ever, to articulate and verbalize thoughts I hadn’t been able to for years. It felt like all of those webs that were tangled in my brain became untangled. I had some pretty huge shifts during the last program and so I thought it would be neat to document and blog my way through the program this time.

 
Last night, as a group, we set ground promises- not rules. Why? Because rules are made to be broken, promises are forever. And for me, this program is forever. This program will forever change me. When I am finished with this program at the end of February I won’t be the same person I was when I started. 

During the program we make a commitment to practice 6 days a week, be mindful of our eating habits, AM & PM daily meditations, and attend weekly meetings.

  
We were also asked last night to set some personal promises for ourselves. Attainable goals that would set us up for success. For me that looks like:  

– Being authentic and true to myself as well as those around me

– Getting uncomfortable 

– Sharing without fear

-Trusting the process-wholeheartedly

– Digging deep

– Building community 

– Less shame

– No internet/social media after 9pm

Each week we will work through 2 of Baron Baptiste’s Laws and 1 chapter of his book. This week our laws are:

1. Seek the Truth

2. Be Willing to Come Apart

And our chapter is: Presence

I cannot wait to start this journey, and see what lies on the other side of it! 

  

   

2016-The Year of my Rebirth

2 Corinthians 5:17 says “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

How amazing is that verse? And the timing is perfect too!  It’s probably the most cleansing of all verses I have read lately and it speaks to me. In fact I think it is going to be my motto for 2016. The second part of 2015 showed me ( actually most time it felt like it was SCREAMING to me) that I don’t have to be who I’ve always been. If I want to be someone new, who believes in something new and that makes me happy than I am able to be that. That is allowed. I don’t need someone’s permission. This is my life and if it’s going to be the best one then I’ve got to start doing something different.

I’m realizing I am worthy of happiness. I am worthy of self care. People actually love the lives they lead. Say what?! Yes, it’s true and I want me some of dat! {no that’s not a typo!} They feel whole. Satisfaction. Complete. Energized. Uplifted. Supported. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of constantly feeling drained. I want to live in the moment, heck I want to seize the moment… Every single moment of every day. No regrets. No I wish I would haves. None of that. Intentional, authentic, life breathing living is what 2016 is going to be all about. I want to develop deep, meaningful, life breathing relationships. And those which no longer serve me? I want to let those go. I want to enjoy and appreciate all this life has to offer.

I’m hoping to become better assimilated to this lifestyle by reading Brene Browns The Gifts of Imperfections- I’ll let you know how that goes. Part of me is scared to death to even open the first page… The other part of me feels like a 4 year old on Christmas morning. Ever since I was a little girl I remember trying my hardest to cover any imperfections that others may see. Any jagged edges that don’t allow me to fit in. My entire life that is all I have wanted- to fit in. To feel like I have a strong belonging to a supportive and uplifting community. I wanted to create the perfect life. The perfect scenery. The perfect backdrop. Well guess what? 30 years later I am realizing that doesn’t exist. Now that I’m realizing this I feel like it is time for me to figure out how to live with and embrace my imperfections because those imperfections have brought me to where I am and who I have become.

I am realizing…everyone’s path is unique including mine, and that is what makes us so special.

I am realizing…the world would be a pretty boring place if we all had the same stories. Can you imagine? How could we create any connections with others if every single one of us was the same? Sound pretty lame to me.

I am realizing that my community and my people are out there. And when I find them they will accept all of me. I won’t have to hide or cover up or pretend.

These are just a few of the realizations I have come to and want to continue to develop in the coming year. I hope you stick around and join me on this journey!

 

Welcoming in the New!

I have to say New Years is quickly growing to be my most favorite time of the year. Do you feel the same? Or maybe it’s just me getting older… Either way I love the feeling of a new start, which is ironic because I don’t do well with change- go figure. I love the breath of fresh air that comes with the new year. A clean slate. A fresh start. A do-over for all that has gone wrong or undone in the past year. A time for reflection. Quiet. Calm and stillness always come over me. No matter what happened in the past year it doesn’t matter. Because it’s a New year. A New you. A fresh start. A new beginning. It feels like the perfect opportunity to start something new…Paul says, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV
For me that newness looks like completely turning my life upside down. Taking inventory. Getting rid of the garbage. All things tangible and intangible. Letting go of the good to make room for the great! Making room. Creating space. Letting in the love, light, and most of all joy! Lots of it! 
Oh I will be so thankful to say goodbye and good riddens to 2015. It certainly was a year of hurt, heartache, despair, health scares, and heaviness. With all the bad there was some good. And the good is what got me through. The good is what led me right to where I am. Right here. Right now. Would I have chosen this path? Never in a million years. Pain and heartache is terrible, but from it comes growth. From heart heavy experiences newness is birthed. Right before our eyes. I learned this year that heartache is a part of life. It’s real, and we are all going to experience it at some point. I am beginning to realize this. It’s a terrible thing to walk through, but for me it has made me truly appreciate all that remains. Heartache and pain force us to look back on the wonderful, happy memories we were fortunate enough to experience. These brief moments help to fill in those cracks, sometimes craters, we have experienced. They give way to new found connection and friendships. Authentic connection. Deep life breathing relationships.

  

2016 Here I Come!!

My wish for 2016….
2015 was filled with events that I never imagined happening. This year was filled with incredible life-giving events like finding my love for yoga, creating new friendships, and becoming genuinely present to everything in my life. It was also a year filled with gut wrenching grief over the loss of my uncle.  The man who raised me. 2015 was a year filled with new routines, and schedules for my husband and I, as well as our kids. It has been a year of me finally opening up and sharing about my imperfections and inabilities and in doing that realizing that it is okay to have those imperfections and inabilities. It was a year of realizing that perfection is exhausting! It was a year filled with more heaviness than happiness. It was a year of complete vulnerability and growth. It was a year of digging the deepest I have ever dug to find out who I am, what I stand for, and what I want for my future.  It was a year of authenticity, and integrity. It was a year of finding out that I am worthy. Worthy of happiness, worthy of love, worthy of rest, worthy of not having to do it all, or have it all together. This was the year I discovered meditation and the miraculous changes, for the better, it brought into my life. This was a year with a serious health scare for my husband which really called me out on my way of living, and showed me just how precious our relationship is to me.  It was a year of clearing my mental fog, and discovering what makes me happy. Discovering what fills me up. What brings me joy. And all of this was just skimming the surface. I am so glad to have discovered all of these realizations because I can use them to dig deeper  in 2016.  And after all this year has taught and brought into my life I figured out exactly what my word for 2016 should be, and it couldn’t be any more perfect.

A few years ago I started a New Years tradition by choosing a word for the year ahead, and after taking a few weeks to think about my word for 2016 I tossed around a few options I finally made a decision. It just came to me. It hit me on the head like a ton of bricks.  My decision was sealed, and all doubt I had ceased during the last few days when this word kept popping up in my life in the strangest places. Songs, writings, conversations, yoga practices. Seriously like 1,000 times in just a few days! Which make me SO happy!  I can’t help but believe it was a sign that this was truly meant to be my word for the coming year.
My word for 2016 is JOY. I want to experience joy every single day. I want to experience it in the biggest and the smallest of ways. I want to be fully present to joy.  Authentic, life breathing JOY.  I want to do more of what brings me joy. Yoga, meditation, coffee dates, blogging, reading, family time.  I want to bring others joy. Serving, listening, caring, supporting. I want to feel so much joy that it overflows from my cup and fills the cup of others! Hallelujah!  I want to be filled with so much joy that I become a light. A light that others can see. A light that others can feel.  A light that I am able to share. A light that ignites the light in others. I want to experience joy in all aspects of my life. Whatever I am doing I want to be joyful while doing it. In order to be more intentional and fully submerge my life with JOY in the next year I am going to start a JOY JAR. This joy Jar will contain an event from every.single.day that brings me joy. I am excited that I will be able to look back on 2016 and remember all of the joy that I was lucky enough to experience. All of the joy I was able to share. All of the joy I was able to spread. And you wanna know something even better? I am starting this TODAY!!  I’m not waiting 4 more days to experience the amazingness of joy in my life. I feel joy already in just starting this project so I am committing to this and starting to fill my joy jar today!!

What word would you choose for 2016?

Why I stopped saying “I’m Sorry” and why you should too.

A few weeks ago I made a conscience effort to remove a certain phrase from my everyday language.  A phrase I noticed I was saying way too often. A phrase that instantly changed my attitude. A phrase that came with darkness.  A phrase that could turn my entire day upside down. That phrase is “I’m Sorry.”

The first reason I stopped saying this phrase was because I was saying it all.the.time. Some days it felt like I was saying it around the clock. It became my go-to, an almost automated response.  It easily became second nature for these words to just roll off my tongue.  The second and BIGGEST reason I stopped saying it was because I noticed, when I said it, whether I was truly guilty or not it brought this enormous weight of guilt upon me. A guilt that physically brought me down and broke me down.

If I am being perfectly honest I have been carrying around feelings of guilt for far too long-not just weeks or months, but I am talking YEARS!  I can remember being very little, maybe 5 or 6, and feeling guilty. I don’t know why, I just did.  Thinking back and reflecting on this new realization, I don’t know that I ever had feelings of being care-free, even as a young child.  As the years went on the guilt grew-not purposely, or intentionally by any means-I think I just grew up in a family where guilt was normal.  Something was always happening, there was always drama-combine that with the instability that occurred on an almost daily basis and that is the perfect concoction for a guilt filled childhood and adolescence. Not to mention the awkwardness of high school, the pressure of college, and then the reality of becoming a mom of not one, but 3 little boys certainly added to the guilty feelings.

Being on this latest path to working on and bettering me, and making sure that I am being taken care of includes not only my physical health but also my mental and emotional health I experience and feel on a daily/hourly/momentary basis. So for me, removing this simple, yet debilitating (to me) phrase has been crucial.  It is part of a conscience and willful effort each and every day that I make to remove all things toxic from my life. If it doesn’t bring me happiness, if it doesn’t uplift me, or if it isn’t constructive than I need to reevaluate having it in my life-even for something as simple as a phrase!  No longer saying “I’m sorry” has directly had an impact on lifting me up-mentally, emotionally, spiritually-in every way possible.  It has been a game changer for the way I live and move through my daily life!

Don’t get me wrong-there are times when it is definitely necessary to apologize to others-especially when you are the  one in the wrong. There’s something to be said for carefully and skillfully admitting when you are guilty and acknowledging your wrong doing.  That is a completely different topic-for another day. That’s NOT what this blog post is about.

This blog post is about letting go of the guilt for the little things.  The things and events that can’t be helped, or avoided, or rearranged, or planned for.  The things that in all honestly can’t fixed by you in any way, shape, or form. That is the stuff I want us to stop apologizing for. The office is out of creamer? Stuck in traffic because of an accident and now you are going to be late? Your kid takes his water in a mismatched re-usable water bottle because you ran out of water bottles? Missing a sports practice because in all honesty if you had to add one more thing to your plate that day your brain would have exploded? You ran out of diapers or shampoo or toothpaste, or soap, or even worse-toilet paper?  I know in our house there are 4 other sets of eyes and 4 other sets of hands using these same items that I do. I am not the only one who can acknowledge when we have used the last toilet paper roll, or the last squeeze of toothpaste and it is time to buy more.  It’s the little things like these. The events and things that can’t be helped, or avoided, yet they still happen.  Well guess what? It happens! it’s called life, and you don’t need to apologize for it! These little set-backs will continue to happen regardless if I take on the responsibility or carry the guilt for not keeping on top of the toilet paper roll count in our house! And that mismatched re-usable water bottle? It’s better for the environment than a plastic water bottle anyway-so good for you mom!

The past few weeks of working on me have truly been eye opening.

I know this is just the beginning of my journey, but I am already seeing a happier, lighter, healthier, calmer side to myself that I don’t think I have ever seen.

I love this experience and walk of life I am on right now.

I want to be the best that I can be for my children, for my husband, for all of those friends and family that we love so much.

I want to live life with a purpose. I want to be intentional in all that I do.

Family 2