Be Still

I’m sure you know about my story, if not you can read all about it here.
Well today I received some not-so-happy news from my Occupational Therapist.
I’m moving along quite nicely in physical therapy and occupational therapy.
Next up is driving.
I haven’t driven since the morning of July 24.
Before I can be cleared for driving I have to pass their pre-driving evaluation and then take the road test at the DMV.
That’s right.
The same road test I once took as a high school senior, on the verge of turning 18 I have to take…again!
So today when Mr. Three picked me up from OT I got into the car with my head hanging low.
Immediately he knew something was bothering me.
Finally I broke down.
I told him the news I had just gotten.
That he would be driving me around for a much longer time than I anticipated.
That getting myself back to driving wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.
That it would require me to pass test after test {and hopefully pass said tests}.
That the guilt I was having for not being able to do what I once was would be hanging around for a while longer.
That he would continue to have to work 6 days a week.
That none of the driving tests/examines/etc are covered by insurance and we would have to pay out of pocket  moving forward.
After looking at him with tears in my eyes because I have already been out of work for almost 2 months he said to me, “We’ll be okay.”
He told me this will be more time off that I get to enjoy with him and our Little 3’s 🙂
I love that he always find the joy in every situation.
I would never have expected this process to be so emotional.
But it has been.
One day can hold so many ups and downs, highs and lows.
I feel like an emotionally unstable pregnant lady {no offense, I’ve been there 3x’s}
 The  frustration and feelings of defeat have been the worst part.
When we become Momma’s we strap on that invisible Momma cape that makes us feel like we can conquer the world and nothing can hold us down.
After all did anything hold down our Momma’s?
This momma is being held down- and I don’t like it!
In fact I remember being in ICU the day after my stroke and thinking to myself, “Oh I’ll be back to work in two weeks.  I won’t be needing this disability paperwork for only missing two weeks of work.”
Ha, little did I know…
But as frustrating as this whole process has been, especially when I feel like I am about to turn a corner and then am blindsided by a road block I know this too shall pass.
I know I have my husband, my family, and my faith.
I know there is a reason for all things.
That He has a plan already worked out for us, all of us.
I know that this is a drop in the bucket compared to what I am really here to accomplish.
Instead if saying {BUMMER} I’m saying {BE STILL}.

“Be Still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

I’m telling myself that He knows my plans.
Oh, does He know them!
I am telling myself to BE STILL through the hard times…
and to remember to lean into Him during these times.
I know this hasn’t been the easiest road, but I know at the end of this long, winding, dark, scary road it will all be worth it. 

{source unknown}


2 thoughts on “Be Still

  1. So sorry about the struggles that you are going through. Two of my best friends are occupational therapists so I hear a lot about this kind of stuff, but it's interesting to hear it from the other side. Keep on trucking along- you are strong than you think you are! I just found your blog and have loved getting to know you better… I'm excited to follow along!

    new follower 🙂


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