Illness has hit our family.
Knock you to your knees, take away your breath, illness.
My world has been rocked to its core.
Life will never be the same. For me. For them. For any of us.
Not after an experience like this.
To see people you only knew to be strong show weakness, changes you.
To see those you love hurting, and in pain, changes you.
To see someone you only ever knew as invincible not being that way, changes you.
To see someone who did all the taking care of now the one being taken care of, changes you.
To see someone who did all of the providing now being provided for, changes you.
So if you’ve been wondering where I have been…
I have been in the muck of it all.
I have been trying to sort out the why’s, the wheres, and that what if’s.
I’ve been taking the good with the bad, and the bad with the really, really bad.
I’ve been going through my day to day life with tear filled eyes.
Eyes welled up with hot tears.
And the tears. Oh the tears.
They just come.
Whether I want them to, or not.
How ironic that it takes such a serious circumstance to make you really appreciate your loved ones.
We go through our lives expecting everyone to be here with us tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
Sometimes that doesn’t happen.
Sometimes we get less time with those who really mean something to us, less time than we could have ever imagined.
And its not fair. Not one single bit of it.
What do you do then?
I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing…
I’ve been praying.
I’ve been asking for prayers.
I’ve been hugging those I love a little tighter.
I’ve been making dinners.
I’ve been having long talks.
I’ve been saying I Love You a lot more these days.
I’ve been taking the time to reflect on my life, and the time that I’ve been lucky and blessed enough to spend with these incredible people.
I’ve been sharing with others, things I never thought I would be able to share.
I’ve opened up a piece of my life I haven’t opened up for 30 years.
I’ve let the tiniest bit of light shine on some of the darkest parts of my life.
I’ve been telling myself, “The Lord’s will be done.”
And oh how I hope and pray that His will is to give me just the tiniest bit more time with those I love.
But for now only time will tell.
Time and testing.
Clear scans, clear testing.
One mountain at a time, one battle at a time.
When one battle is won, onto the next, and the next, and the next.
We will fight, and we will battle for as long as it takes.
If there is one thing I know about my family…
We are fighters. We are strong. We are not going to lie down and succumb.
We will fight. We are overcomer’s. We stay in the fight until the final round.
And that is what we are going to do