Friendship

On our journey of life friendships come and go.
I find that as we get older, we get married, and have babies our friendships have more meaning.
They have more depth to them.
I’m realizing at this point in my life that I am wanting, and needing friendships that consist of 
quality rather than quantity.
I no longer have the desire to be the popular girl, have the most friends, or be accepted by everyone.
And believe me this is a huge feat for me!
I know who I am and what I stand for.
And hey it only took 27 years, right?!
I’m not looking for a best friend.
That’s why I married my husband, Mr. Three 🙂
{Like the new nickname?}

These days I want friends who exemplify the same qualities I do.
I want them to have the {near-same} morals and standards for their children that I have for mine.
I want them to walk with and be believe in the Lord.
I want them to be two way streets and feel as though they are always looking out for my best interest,
and vice versa.
I want to know that we are both fully committed to the friendship and won’t withhold anything or judge one another.
Friendships didn’t always used to be this way.
In fact they used to be easy 😉

I’ll let you all in on a little big secret
Something funny happens when you have kids…
your friends seem to fall off the face of the earth.
For me this was a gradual change.
One friend here, one friend there. 
I don’t care how many people don’t want to admit to it…it happens!
Perhaps it’s because you have an all new set of priorities….
your priorities change to focus on this adorable new life you have created 
while your old friends are still focusing on themselves.
The reservations at the newest restaurant in town, what days they are going to the beach, and what guy they are waiting on to call them back.
You’re suddenly consumed by night time feedings, # of poopy diapers, a sleep schedule {or just getting sleep in general!}, and fitting into your pre-pregnancy jeans!
Friendships change after you have children.
Sometimes for the better, sometimes not.
It’s the friendships that get lost a long the way that hurt the most.
Maybe you’ve lost a friend or two recently because of expanding your family…
maybe because of something else…
maybe you lost a friend and your not even sure why.
Friendships just like any other relationships take work.
The real ones do anyway.
I’m talking about hard, dedicated work.
Blood, sweat, and tears.
From both sides.
When a friendship becomes one sided, or too much work
 one must step back to 
{think} and {pray}
where they want the relationship to go.
Is each person growing because of this friendship?
What do they want to gain from this relationship?
A life-long sister?
Someone they call each year to say Happy Birthday?
A future God-parent of their child?

Then there are the friendships that have become toxic.
Has this friendship somehow, someway become harmful to both or one person?
Are the feelings you are having mutual and able to be worked out
or is it past that point?
How do you know when to hold on and when to let go?
I want to share something with you.
 Today I ended a friendship of 7 years {off and on}.
Why?
This friend and I have been down this road many, many times of reevaluating our relationship.
We both brought our issues to the table,
like adults 
{probably for the first time}
and kept everything respectable.
There were calm reactions to unintentionally hurt feelings from both of us.
There was the understanding of miscommunication and how we could communicate better next time.
There was talk about moving forward .
There were displays of raw emotion, and apologies.
It seemed like we were on the right path to repair.
Like we were one stitch away from a new friendship.
But at the end of the day I was  no longer feeling fulfilled by this relationship.
The relationship had become more of a burden than a benefit.
It was bringing a heaviness to my heart,
and left me empty.
After praying over this friendship for weeks,
asking Him to show me the right way,
searching through my heart and soul for reasons to keep this friendship afloat
I just couldn’t anymore.
I couldn’t let this keep bringing me down.
I was tired of the sadness, the emptiness.
I always knew the friendship we would have today would never be the same as what we used to have and I was okay with that.
At least I thought I was okay with that 
because I thought we would be able to get close to what we used to have
If  we both worked really really hard and gave it our all we could get very close to where we used to be…
but it turns out that we couldn’t.
No matter how hard we tried.
You can’t fit a square into a circle.
This new friendship wasn’t working for either of us.
I couldn’t hold onto the feelings of jealousy, animosity, and hurt.
I didn’t like the heaviness this friendship had on me.
It was slowly turning me into someone I didn’t want to be.
It wasn’t fair for either of us.
It was time to let those feelings go.
Time to let her go.
And  I did.
There were no hurt feelings, no mean words exchanged.
Just a mutual understanding that this relationship was no longer working for both of us.
It was sad that something that used to once mean so much to me is now gone, 
probably forever.
Even though I have said goodbye to this friend I wish her a lifetime of happiness.
I will continue to pray for her everyday.
I pray that she finds peace and happiness in her life-for her own contentment.
I pray that she finds the healing she has been looking for for a long long time.
I pray that she finds Him to fulfill her, and not anybody or anything else.
I pray that she doesn’t settle, because she is so much better than that.
There will always be a tiny scar on my heart with her name on it and I will look back on our time together and smile.
{source unknown}
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