I was expecting a huge shift this week. Last time I went through the 40 days program I remember experiencing a HUGE shift this particular week where I felt like everything really came together. As you can probably tell-the shift didn’t happen. Or atleast it wasn’t as monumental as I had anticipated it being. This time it felt more like an overall shift. I felt like I entered this week with more patience, and an increased feeling of peace which was very, very helpful in having an equinimious week.
Here are my questions:
1. How much do I believe the winds of grace support me? As much of a believer as I am, and I am a BIG one, I sometimes-okay most of the time-have a hard time believing that I am worthy of His grace. I know it exists, and I know that he freely gives it, but I still have a hard time accepting the fact that I am worthy of His grace in His eyes.
2.Where can I use less reaction and more divine interpretation? I can use less reaction when it comes to my kids. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed very easily, and to let little things bother me. I’ve realized, through equanimity, that when I take the time to breathe and remove myself from a situation I am allowing myself time to think through what kind of an impact the decision will yield? Will this make a difference in a month’s time? How about a year? A week? If the answer is no then I can generally loosen the reigns, and know that this one very small piece of time will not have a huge lasting impact.
3. How can a shift in vision enhance the quality of my life? A shift in vision was huge in enhancing the quality of my life this week. I realized that by removing the negative and shameful words from my vocabulary I was able to let joy, and happiness pour into my life. For example, I am by nature a very anxious person. This week when I was anticipating certain situations that I knew I would find myself in rather than labeling my emotions as “anxious” I labeled them as “exciting, eager, and intrigued.” This not only helped me make my way through some challenging moments this week, but it was a very helpful tool in helping me shift my vision.
4. What things are likely to trigger reactivity in me? Hunger, exhaustion, topics I feel passionately about, situations that I believe I should be able to control (ie traffic, my children’s behavior), and situations that I think I could have made a better decision in.
5. How can I respond better to moments of reactivity? I have found that my AM and PM meditations have really grounded me. They have helped me remember to come back to my breathe, and I have found that by taking 5 or 6 deep breaths I am able to better assess and work/think through a situation.
Next week we are onto Restoration and our 3 day fruit cleanse, check back to see how my week went!!